ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
