She said her name was "party"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
