If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
