My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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