Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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