He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
