um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
