Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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