no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
