Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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