Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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