I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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