So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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