Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
