drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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