I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
