R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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