sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
