Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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