Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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