I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
