So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
