i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
