he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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