why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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