i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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