He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
