I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
