The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
