I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
