he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
