so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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