I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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