You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
