just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
