he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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