Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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