And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
