I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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