I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
