Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize