dude i'm inner monologue high
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
