I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
