I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
