I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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