You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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