Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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