I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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