i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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