this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
