how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
