Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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