I want to stick my p in your. b.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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