haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
