im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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