someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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