My room smells like vodka and shame
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
