my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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