I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize