Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
