The best revenge is premature balding
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
