He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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