he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
