His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
