He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
