I hate your face
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
