Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
