Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
