The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just tell him i said nine months
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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