Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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