So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
