After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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