I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
