he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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