Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am spending my child support on dildos
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
