I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
