he thought i was a dude.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
