I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
