sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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