Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
