After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
