in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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