Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
