My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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