you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
